who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
