What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
