im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
