shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
