Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
