just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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