she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize