Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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