we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
