dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish i was in the wii world.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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