fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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