It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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