so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
