i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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