i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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