I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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