I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
