32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize