I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
