well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
