Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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