Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
