Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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