Banned from zoo.
Again?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
