Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
