he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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