I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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