glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
