You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
