Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize