did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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