umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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