Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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