I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
