P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize