Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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