You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
