last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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