Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
