have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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