Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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