And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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