you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
