Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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