I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
