tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
