omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
