Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
