Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
