there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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