There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
