nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
