just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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