It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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