dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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