Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
3 2 1 whiskey
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
