I like to think it a success when the cops are called
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
