you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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