my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
