You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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