Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
